The Answering Machine

1992 9th grade

An answering machine moved in next to our family phone.

My dad being the youngest brother of three sisters had learned to defuse any situation with humor and deflect with wit. He would record custom greetings each month and we would all listen & try not to giggle while he used his radio voice. 

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"You have reached the Webb Family, we've all gone bananas right now, please leave a message at the tone, & we will call you back when we return."
"You have reached the Webb Family Mortuary, you stab em, we slab em, leave a message at the tone."

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At this time our family phone only had one line, but if you pressed the keypad, each number would give you a tone, dad used this for his next punchline.

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 "You have reached the Webb Family, we're not available right now, If you'd like to speak with Pat or Charlie please press 9. If you'd like to speak with Stephanie, please press 91, if you need to speak with Mariah please hang up & dial 911."

Most people laughed and left a simple message, my friends all  pressed those buttons and half the messages were beeeeeeep beep beep, some of them would not even leave a message, just be pressing that keypad. 

 I'd hear about what the emergency was later in the evening or next day at school. 

Looking back, dad found a humorous way to share with my friends that they did not have to call me in case of emergencies, they should call a "real adult" over 30, & not his 30 year old midget teenager.

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If you enjoyed the story, tip me $9 

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